The death of a parent can be complicated.  For some family members, there is only the tremendous sense of loss.  Loss of a figure who has been constant, who has represented God to them, who has nurtured and shaped every aspect of their worldview.  For others, loss of a parent can feel more ambiguous, especially if the relationship was often difficult or unresolved.  Sometimes people can feel guilty because they aren’t “sad enough,” or because their grief holds other emotions that seem less than noble.  Add to the mix siblings and other close relatives, each dealing with the loss in their own way, and you find that the death of a parent can sometimes lead to deeper divisions in family dynamics.

Samuel Wesley (1662-1735) was the Anglican rector at Epworth in Lincolnshire for the entire life of his children.  He fathered 19 children with his wife, Susanna, with only 10 surviving. While Susanna spent most of their marriage pregnant, educating and raising all of her children (at a time when it was rare to educate girls, Susanna ensured all seven daughters could read before they could do chores), Samuel’s attention was often away from the family. On top of his pastoral duties, he was devoted to writing and academic pursuits, focusing tremendous amounts of time writing documents that would make his family no money.  In fact, he was usually trying to get out of debt, and served time in debtor’s prison. He had once left Susanna over political differences. His academic approach and political conformity made him horribly mismatched for the church he served, filled with uneducated nonconformists.  Samuel would often say things that would so incite the villagers, they would terrorize his family by setting their property on fire and mutilating their animals.

At the end of his life, his son John (the only ordained clergy in the family at the time), took over at Epworth for a little while, but insisted that his calling was back at Oxford, not the local church.  For John, taking his father’s position would have provided stability for his mom and extended family, but it was not the calling or legacy he wished to pursue.  In the end, Samuel’s debts left his wife with few possessions or assets, and she moved in with her daughter, Emily.  Nevertheless, Samuel was very proud of his children, and spoke well of the work John and Charles were doing with the Oxford Methodists.  He was enthusiastic about the British colonial experiment in Georgia, and only six months after his death, John and Charles would take that enthusiasm as they went to serve as missionaries in the American colonies.

Legacies are strange things.  Even when there are mixed emotions about difficult relationships, we often are given the opportunity to take up the best of another’s life and learn from their mistakes.  I’d encourage you today to pause and reflect with gratitude on the good things you’ve received from the parent figures in your life.  What of their mistakes can you learn from?  How have you been shaped by them, in what ways does your life mirror theirs?  How is God calling you to move forward into your own calling and legacy for the next generation?  May you find a gift from God there, hidden within even the most complicated relationship.