I’ve been reflecting this week on my own salvation journey. I remember as a teenager being really impressed by powerful stories of conversion. I’d hear about someone who overcame a drug addiction, or someone who had been promiscuous coming to the faith. I’d hear about struggles with self-harm and suicide met by finding the light. And I thought my story was so much less dramatic. I felt like I had always known God. I mean sure, my faith in God grew significantly over time, but I couldn’t think of any bright light experience or leaving behind a certain lifestyle in order to become a holy disciple.
When John Wesley announced his Aldersgate conversion, people were confused. He had led the Holy Club for years, he had led a mission to Georgia, he had been a pastor changing lives for ages. How could he suddenly say that he wasn’t a Christian until May 2, 1738?
For John and Charles, there was an awakening to the truth of God’s grace that neither had previously experienced. Both men were striving to live good and holy lives, to earn their way into the kingdom of God. And that’s what most people thought Christianity was: simply living a moral life. But they were struck by the joy and hope of the Moravian Christians in their lives. They became aware that one could have assurance of one’s salvation, and they wanted it badly.
I remember that in my own journey to faith. I knew that our actions mattered, but I also lived in this fear of needing to be perfect for God and for others. I don’t remember a day or hour that I experienced any sort of “conversion,” but I do remember moving from fear to blessed assurance. I remember becoming aware of the beautiful truth that Christ died for me, for my freedom, that I was beloved of God, and that trumped everything else anybody thought of me. I remember in that freedom finding a desire to then live for God’s glory in every aspect of my life.
The biblical word for sin (khata in Hebrew, hamartia in Greek) means missing the mark. The idea is that we are created in the image of God, and declared good, but that we all fall short, we all miss the mark. We are not always aware of our sin, and can even convince ourselves that we’re doing the right thing, even as we are falling short. We sin when we fail to show God, others, even ourselves, the honor that is deserved. There are more severe words in the Hebrew that convey more deliberate sins. Pesha is usually translated as “transgression” and means more of a defiance or rebellion against God. Avon is often translated as “iniquity” and means perversion, or willful distortion of God’s laws. When we give into khata, pasha, or avon, we experience separation or alienation from God, from others, and from our true selves.
The point of addressing sin is not to shame us into inaction, but to awaken us to a better way. Irenaeus famously said, “The glory of God is man fully alive.” John Wesley also taught that salvation in Christ is a process of healing and restoring us to full life. Christ, the sinless one took on our sin so that we might be one with God. Christ removes the barriers that separated us from God, making it possible for us to truly love others and ourselves more perfectly. And this love for God and love for others is what God made us for.
My life has had a lot of beauty and a lot of pain. I’ve loved well at times, and other times, I’ve loved poorly. I have come through great sins that I have committed, and great sins that have happened again me. But my life is hidden in Christ, and there I am found, fully alive.